On Waffles and Vocations

This post is going to move quickly from pillow talk to saints to vocations. With some breakfast foods thrown in for good measure.

Sunday morning, the Captain and I slept delightfully late.  When we at last committed to getting out of bed soon, he asked me, “What do you want for breakfast?”
I answered honestly that I had not a clue and turned the question back on him.

“Pancakes,” he answered.  “I’m really hungry.  Or maybe waffles.  Waffles are good.”

“Do you want waffles?”  Waffles are considerably more effort than pancakes, and while I did not mind making them, I did not want to make them in response to a joke.

“Maybe waffles,” he repeated.

I sighed.  “Do you want waffles?”

“I’m waffling.”  Pause.  “The only way to know is waffles.”

A few more moments of similar dialogue produced no more fruitful results.  The Captain, as usual, was clearly more concerned with wordplay than clarity.

I got out of bed and started making waffles.  He ate lots and was satisfied.

Monday evening, at Mass on the Feast of St. Kateri Tekakwitha, the priest offered his favorite quote from her: “I have deliberated enough… I have consecrated myself entirely to Jesus, son of Mary, I have chosen Him for husband and He alone will take me for wife.”

My generation is a generation of serious and serial wafflers, with fewer and fewer St. Kateris in the mix.  We tend to do it on all levels, but it is especially true when it comes to vocations.  We are a generation who searches and searches and searches -- discernment is quite the buzzword in young adult Catholic communities -- but refuses to have answers.

Careful, prayerful discernment is always important, and I do not mean to belittle it.  But discernment is meant to lead to that St. Kateri moment: “I have deliberated enough.”

The problem is not that we don’t discern properly.  It is that we discern properly, we reach the moment of knowledge, and we say, “I’m waffling.”  We have been taught the decision making process, and we have been taught it well, and we are so invested in that process that we don’t want to let go when we find an answer.  After all, we have lots of experience discerning.  We lack the experience in doing whatever that decision leads us to.  In pursuing holy relationships, in joining a religious order, in starting a new career, in reaching out in ministry or evangelization.

We feed ourselves that same line, too: “The only way to know is waffles!”  But unlike breakfast choices, marriage and religious vows are final.  Pursuing a relationship is more of a commitment than eating a waffle.  And we use that to scare ourselves, to hold ourselves back. We waffle.

The fears of this generation are, of course, best captured in webcomics.

As a result, many of my generation are in their heads and hearts seeking one thing, and in their actions seeking another.  Many know how to seek something real and what that real thing will be, but simply do not act that way, knowing that these actions will bring them to a moment of crisis -- a moment of action, decision, commitment.

Discernment not in serious pursuit of action is not real discernment.  If our discernment is how we comfort ourselves for our inaction, we are doing something wrong. If it is not drawing actively into life-decisions such as marriage or the religious life, it should be drawing us actively into deeper communion with God.