The US Military Will Save Us All from Zombies

In case you were wondering, the government does know what it would do in the case of a zombie apocalypse*:

Under "Zombie Threat Summary," the plan highlights the different kinds of zombie adversaries one might find in such an attack. They include not only vegetarian zombies ("zombie life forms originating from any cause but pose no direct threat to humans because they only eat plant life"); evil magic zombies ("EMZs are zombie life forms created via some form of occult experimentation in what might otherwise be referred to as 'evil magic'"); and also chicken zombies. "Although it sounds ridiculous, this is actually the only proven class of zombie that actually exists," the plan states.

The best part about this story?  It is not a satire.  It is REAL.  (No, seriously.  It is.)


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